Random thoughts from, my niece, Lana Cagle

Words cannot express the emotions that have made their way thru my being in the past two weeks. I feel as though each day is a roller coaster. I start out with a positive attitude thinking that today will be a good day and all will go smootly. Sometimes I am able to manage this feeling for at least an hour, but I find that much past that is anything but positive. I have to admit that I usually cry at least twice a day. There are times when it takes everything in me to hold back the tears until I can find my way behind a closed door. Frustration, stress, business, and despair have all taken over. I feel as though I have lost control of the one thing I normally can control...me.
The tears are caused by many different elements. Sometimes they are tears of sympathy for the hundreds of people that I speak with about their current situation. Sometimes they are tears of sadness for the desperate way people are acting in light of the recent tragedy. Many tears are shed over the hopelessness, like I'm not making a difference. Feelings that every single person who walks thru the door is here to take, take, take and never to give. Almost every person I have met in the past week has lost everything they own, and I find myself wondering how many of these stories are true and how many are fabricated for the sole purpose of receiving more supplies than they need. Sometimes the tears are caused by joy (the best kind as far as I'm concerned). These come when you see groups of volunteers filing in the door eager to help in any way they can. Or when you sucessfully unload yet another semi-truck that you were positive didn't have an end. Or when you realize the amazing people whose paths have crossed just because of this awful storm. Other times the tears are caused by pure exhaustion. These are brought on when you simply can't do anything else. Most of us here have been working 15 hour days for a week straight and it is wearing us thin.
There are also many tears (or screams) of frustration. These can be set on by just about anything. Difficult tasks, difficult people, difficult circumstances. It's hard to describe the feeling of being displaced. I count my blessings every day that my house survived the storm with minimal damage. I am so thankful that I have a place to call home when so many out there don't. I have to remind myself everyday that almost everyone I come in contact with has been affected greatly by this horrific storm in one way or another, just fighting to find a sense of normalcy. I am eager for the day when that arrives.

Perpetually blessed...
Lana